COPING WITH THE HOLIDAYS

• Lower your expectations of yourself.
  
• Forget about what other people think you should do and feel – give yourself permission to feel and do whatever you think is right.
  
• It’s OK to stay away from children for a while.
  
• Pick and choose the family events you will attend.
  
• Find comfort or inspiration in a holiday event or a new tradition.
  
• Offer kindness and support to others who are having a hard time.
  
• Set some goals.
  These can be very small goals, like I will get out of bed on such-&-such day.
  
• Do something special for yourself.
  
• Look to your religious beliefs for strength and support.
  For those of us who aren’t religious and, perhaps, not even spiritual, we can still find comfort in rituals. A common ritual for many Americans is to make coffee first thing in the morning. It’s more than just the caffiene. The smell of the coffee as you spoon it out. Listening to it perk. Pouring that first cup. Wrapping your hand around the cup. Well, I find doing that very grounding and comforting.
  
• Plan ways to help you handle uncomfortable situations.
  Leaving, either temporarily or permanently, is always an option.
  
• Plan a special event for just your baby’s parents.
  
• Share with your family and friends what helps and what hurts.
  I am an aunt of a child that died. When I went to work for the first time after Diego died, one of my girlfriends took me to her office, closed the door, wrapped me in her arms, and cried with me. Just because it’s been a year, doesn’t mean that I couldn’t use that quiet comfort now, and I’m sure that it is true for parents.
  
• If you have other children, try to make the holidays fun for them.
  
• Holidays can be emotionally and physically draining. Try to get enough rest.
  
• Anticipation of any holiday can be worse than the actual holiday.
  
• Remember- holidays are only temporary.
  

Coping with Grief during Holidays

1. DECIDE WHAT YOU CAN HANDLE COMFORTABLY AND LET FAMILY AND FRIENDS KNOW. Can I handlle the responsibility of the family dinner, etc. or shall I ask someone else to do it? Do I want to talk about my loved one or not? Shall I stay here for the holidays or go to a completely different environment? Whatever you want is what your family and friends want to give. Please, please, don’t be afraid to say no, this is too much, not now, I can’t, etc. If you can, tell us what you think might work. We love you, and we want to comfort you and help you while you are grieving.
   
2. MAKE SOME CHANGES IF THEY FEEL COMFORTABLE FOR YOU. Open presents Christmas Eve instead of Christmas morning. Vary the timing of Channukah gift giving. Have dinner at a different time or place. Let the children take over decorating the house, the tree, baking and food preparation, etc.
   
3. RE-EXAMINE YOUR PRIORITIES: GREETING CARDS, HOLIDAY BAKING, DECORATING, PUTTING UP A TREE, FAMILY DINNER, ETC. Do I really enjoy doing this? Is this a task that can be shared?
   
4. CONSIDER DOING SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR SOMEONE ELSE. Donate a gift in the memory of your loved one. Donate money you would have spent on your loved one as a gift to charity. Adopt a needy family for the holidays. Invite a guest (foreign student, senior citizen) to share festivities.
   
5. RECOGNIZE YOUR LOVED ONE’S PRESENCE IN THE FAMILY. Burn a special candle to quietly include your loved one. Hang a stocking for your loved one in which people can put notes with their thoughts or feelings. Listen to music especially liked by the deceased. Look at photographs. I really like the stocking idea.
   
6. IF YOU DECIDE TO DO HOLIDAY SHOPPING, MAKE A LIST AHEAD OF TIME AND KEEP IT HANDY FOR A GOOD DAY, OR SHOP THROUGH A CATALOGUE.
   
7. OBSERVE THE HOLIDAYS IN WAYS WHICH ARE COMFORTABLE FOR YOU. There is no right or wrong way of handling holidays. Once you’ve decided how to observe the time, let others know.
   
8. TRY TO GET ENOUGH REST — HOLIDAYS CAN BE EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY DRAINING.
   
9. ALLOW YOURSELF TO EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS. Holidays often magnify feelings of loss. It is natural to feel sadness. Share concerns, apprehensions, feelings with a friend. The need for support is often greater during holidays.
   
10. KEEP IN MIND THAT THE EXPERIENCE OF MANY BEREAVED PERSONS IS THAT THEY DO COME TO ENJOY HOLIDAYS AGAIN. THERE WILL BE OTHER HOLIDAY SEASONS TO CELEBRATE.
    
11. DON’T BE AFRAID TO HAVE FUN. Laughter and joy are not disrespectful. Give yourself and your family members permission to celebrate and take pleasure in the holidays.
    

Reprinted from *Bereavement & Loss Resources* a publication of Rivendell Resources and GriefNet.
Rivendell Resources grants anyone the right to reprint this information without request for compensation so long as the copy is not used for profit and so long as this paragraph is reprinted in its entirety with any copied portion. For further information contact: Cendra (ken’dra) Lynn, Ph.D. – Cendra@griefnet.org

Click here for some some further reading suggestions through our bookstore.

Back on topic … yeah, right.

Last night, I’m goofing off on facebook, and Pulguito is watching a Star Wars movie in my craft area. All of a sudden, I hear Chunguita screaming and crying. What could possibly be happening, I wonder; after all, Pulguito is no where near Chunguita. I run thru the house and find Lily pinned under DH. DH is scolding Lily (who seems totally unmoved), and Chunguita is crying.

“What happened?” I ask.

“LilyhadBruno’srawhideandItriedtotakeitawayfromherandshegrowledandbitme!” Chunguita cried.

Which explained why DH had Lily pinned and was growling at her. I wondered if he nipped her back. Anyway, DH couldn’t get Bruno’s rawhide out of Lily’s mouth, and after a bit more chastisement, he put Lily outside (aka isolation from the pack). I didn’t think Lily should get to keep the rawhide, so I went outside, pried her mouth open by pinching her lips so that they squeezed under her back teeth which forces her to open her mouth a bit or bite herself, and I took the rawhide away from her.

Poor Lily, she doesn’t understand the pack order in our house. Well, she thinks she should be above Chunguita and Pulguito and Bruno. And, I think, pack hierarchy is determined between the individuals, so she occasionally makes the mistake of asserting herself to Chunguita or Pulguito. Then she gets it from me or DH, and I’m not sure that this really makes sense to her. Ah, well, she did learn that Chunguita and Pulguito get to sit on the furniture and that she does not.

Fortunately, situations like this are very rare for us.

• The National Archives
  
• Constitution Day (United States)
  From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
  
• Constitution Day, Inc, a non-partisan, non-profit organization
  
• Annenberg Classroom: Constitution Day
  
• National Constitution Center
  

‘

National Freedom Day at the Library of Congress

Celebrate Winnie the Pooh Day by reading some storybooks about the adventures of Winnie and his friends. Don’t read them alone. Read them with young children.

Winnie-the-Pooh Funology
A Poohish Site
Pooh Corner sanctioned by the Pooh Properties Trust

• calendar
  
• holidays 1
  
• holidays 2
  
• holidays 3
  

It’s about commemorating the labor movement.