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Loss

April 14th, 2010 at 4:54 pm » Comments Off

One of the women in group died. I remember her smiling when I came in to the room. That felt so good, a wonderful gift. She had anorexia. She had come home from college and came to group for the rest of the spring semester and summer. In the fall, she went back to school. [...]



Gains made since I started recovery:

April 7th, 2010 at 10:01 pm » Comments Off

No purging stable weight for 2+ years decrease in depression Better understanding of MY nutrition needs Mostly follow food plan Can recognize distorted thinking and stop it Can fight the urge to apply anything anyone says or does as a negative criticism of me (Example: Irene says she exercised, therefore Jennifer is a loser for [...]



Saying Good-Bye

June 30th, 2009 at 7:44 pm » Comments Off

Dear ED, I’m so tired of you dragging me down. I will be free of you. I will stop listening to you. You are hateful, and you hurt me. You say ugly things and try to make me feel less than human. I am not you, but we have been together for a very long [...]



I’m unique.

June 29th, 2009 at 5:32 pm » Comments Off

The pill dispensor gave me a version of Burns Depression Checklist. I felt like I was halfway between 2 of the ratings, go I gave myself a rating of 1/2. She’s had 100s of people fill them out, and I’m the only one who has ever rated herself or himself with a 1/2.



Tuesday Update

June 16th, 2009 at 6:17 pm » Comments Off

Last weekend, we visited an old friend. She looked awful. She could barely walk. She’d lost a lot of weight, and her arms and face had many scabs on them. I snooped in her kitchen and discovered that she was on a liquid diet again. The last time she was on a liquid diet, she [...]



So what’s up?

June 3rd, 2009 at 7:36 pm » Comments Off

The last week or so has been brutal for a number of reasons. However, part of the agony was self-inflicted. I started a new exercise routine and did it 2 days in a row. I was so sore that I could barely walk. One of the thought distortions common in eating disorders is “perfectionism”. I’ve [...]



Sushi Haiku

May 27th, 2009 at 9:28 am » Comments Off

Sushi for lunch. Yum! Chili spicy hot. Don’t like. Want wasabi hot instead.



Semantics

February 12th, 2009 at 7:11 pm » Comments Off

I suffer from exercise resistance. I’m sure a lot of people share my ambivalence about exercise, and that includes both people who suffer with ED and people who don’t. Since I do have ED whispering to me, trying to get me down, and I fall for it, the whole concept of exercise is like a [...]



Why do I need to be beautiful?

January 27th, 2009 at 10:38 pm » Comments Off

So today was Body Image Day at group. We do body image on the last Tuesday of every month, and food logs on the first Tuesday. We talked about mirrors. Mirrors are the enemy of those afflicted with an eating disorder. I suppose that no one really sees what she wants in the mirror. When [...]



Sad.

January 20th, 2009 at 10:42 pm » Comments Off

I’m sad. Jack, Eina, and Vivian are flying back to New Zealand. I had a really tough day. I waffle between really wanting to eat crap and really wanting to not eat and having an upset stomach. Oh, that’s between the crying bouts. I was able to get the kids to school today, get Pulguito’s [...]



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