Sushi for lunch. Yum! Chili spicy hot. Don’t like. Want wasabi hot instead.

I suffer from exercise resistance. I’m sure a lot of people share my ambivalence about exercise, and that includes both people who suffer with ED and people who don’t. Since I do have ED whispering to me, trying to get me down, and I fall for it, the whole concept of exercise is like a [...]

So today was Body Image Day at group. We do body image on the last Tuesday of every month, and food logs on the first Tuesday. We talked about mirrors. Mirrors are the enemy of those afflicted with an eating disorder. I suppose that no one really sees what she wants in the mirror. When [...]

I’m sad. Jack, Eina, and Vivian are flying back to New Zealand. I had a really tough day. I waffle between really wanting to eat crap and really wanting to not eat and having an upset stomach. Oh, that’s between the crying bouts. I was able to get the kids to school today, get Pulguito’s [...]

So today, I went to group and work, and took the kids to the dentist instead of going into my parents house. It was really hard last night to say to Eina that I wasn’t coming in on Tuesday. When I say goodbye every evening, she looks at me and says, “You are coming in [...]

Remeber when I filled out the Risky Situation Worksheet? Well, today is the day! So far so good. It’s 9:15. I am not on schedule. I forgot to take into account how late we were going to stay up last night. It was Parents’ Night Out at daycare. Robert & I went to dinner. He [...]

What is the situation? Robert is taking the kids camping, so they will be gone overnight. The last time this happened, I binged on a chocolate candy bar. The time before that, I binged on cookie dough. What are your expected urges? A binge on something sweet & fatty in the evening, after dinner while [...]

Today was Food Log Day. So I brought up a problematic day. On a recent Saturday, I went out on the boat with DH, Chunguita, & Pulguito. For breakfast, we went out to the Railroad Cafe where I had 2 eggs, canadian bacon, pancakes, coffee & water. We went to see the mothball fleet and [...]

I went to see the EAP counselor yesterday to talk about exercise resistance. I learned that resistance is its own field/area/category? in psychology. It seems it goes back to Freud. Anyway, she said that if a person is resisting, then the person is engaged. I didn’t really get this until I applied it to a [...]

Actually, I’m more mad than that. I’m fucking pissed off. Today is Tuesday; the day that I have my CBT group in the Kaiser Eating Disorder program. So I drive up to Walnut Creek from Livermore only to find that the group has been cancelled. They didn’t even call me. I’ve been in the group [...]