One of the women in group died. I remember her smiling when I came in to the room. That felt so good, a wonderful gift. She had anorexia. She had come home from college and came to group for the rest of the spring semester and summer. In the fall, she went back to school. [...]

No purging stable weight for 2+ years decrease in depression Better understanding of MY nutrition needs Mostly follow food plan Can recognize distorted thinking and stop it Can fight the urge to apply anything anyone says or does as a negative criticism of me (Example: Irene says she exercised, therefore Jennifer is a loser for [...]

Dear ED, I’m so tired of you dragging me down. I will be free of you. I will stop listening to you. You are hateful, and you hurt me. You say ugly things and try to make me feel less than human. I am not you, but we have been together for a very long [...]

The pill dispensor gave me a version of Burns Depression Checklist. I felt like I was halfway between 2 of the ratings, go I gave myself a rating of 1/2. She’s had 100s of people fill them out, and I’m the only one who has ever rated herself or himself with a 1/2.

Last weekend, we visited an old friend. She looked awful. She could barely walk. She’d lost a lot of weight, and her arms and face had many scabs on them. I snooped in her kitchen and discovered that she was on a liquid diet again. The last time she was on a liquid diet, she [...]

The last week or so has been brutal for a number of reasons. However, part of the agony was self-inflicted. I started a new exercise routine and did it 2 days in a row. I was so sore that I could barely walk. One of the thought distortions common in eating disorders is “perfectionism”. I’ve [...]

Sushi for lunch. Yum! Chili spicy hot. Don’t like. Want wasabi hot instead.

I suffer from exercise resistance. I’m sure a lot of people share my ambivalence about exercise, and that includes both people who suffer with ED and people who don’t. Since I do have ED whispering to me, trying to get me down, and I fall for it, the whole concept of exercise is like a [...]

So today was Body Image Day at group. We do body image on the last Tuesday of every month, and food logs on the first Tuesday. We talked about mirrors. Mirrors are the enemy of those afflicted with an eating disorder. I suppose that no one really sees what she wants in the mirror. When [...]

I’m sad. Jack, Eina, and Vivian are flying back to New Zealand. I had a really tough day. I waffle between really wanting to eat crap and really wanting to not eat and having an upset stomach. Oh, that’s between the crying bouts. I was able to get the kids to school today, get Pulguito’s [...]