Neefer Sews, Crochets, Crafts, Swims, and Blathers about Kids and Her Stuggles with an Eating Disorder

Acorns to Oaktrees

November 18th, 2005 at 12:14 pm

Imperfection

IMG_2213 copy

imperfection
im·per·fec·tion (mpr-fkshn)
n.

  1. The quality or condition of being imperfect.
  2. Something imperfect; a defect or flaw. See Synonyms at blemish.

My body is imperfect; my body will always be imperfect.

I have an eating disorder. Those of you who have healthy body images probably have no idea how difficult it is for me to post this picture and to write the above line. I’m different from of a lot of the women that I know who have eating disorders in that my attitude is something along these lines, “GODDAMMIT, I’M NOT GOING TO BE HAMPERED BY MY DISEASE if I can help it.” For example, I walk naked in the lockerroom, shower to locker to toilet to locker etc. I do this because GODDAMMIT, I’M NOT GOING TO HIDE MY BODY LIKE I’M ASHAMED OF IT*, even if I am. I talk the talk to other women, so GODDAMMIT I’M GOING TO WALK THE WALK.

We talked about the meaning of the word flaw in group a while ago. Unanimously, the members of group had the same take on the word flaw. A flaw to us is like a flaw in a diamond; that is, something of tremendous value is ruined by a flaw. That the flaw in inperceptable to the unaided human eye means nothing. The diamond is still lessened. And that is how we see our bodies and ourselves.

The amusing part of this was that we bamboozled the therapists (ha! they haven’t heard everything). They pointed out that we all wore glasses. How was that different?, they asked. Again, the group members all agreed that it was totally different. The glasses fixed the problem. If only it were so easy to fix the perceived problems of our selves.

*I do not wish to imply that wrapping a towel around one’s body in the lockerroom means that one is ashamed of her body. I’m only talking about me, here. I’m not modest; for me, it’s about shame.

PS imperfect does not equal ugly

Category: Eating Disorder, Memes

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