Neefer Sews, Crochets, Crafts, Swims, and Blathers about Kids

Acorns to Oaktrees

April 15th, 2012 at 10:25 am

What to say about someone else’s dead child?

in: General

Background: DH’s cousin’s son just died. She and her family live on the east coast. So I can’t be there which makes me sad. But I’ve been trying to help thru my husband’s siblings. I’ve been going back thru some of the things that I wrote after Diego died, what I did, what resources were helpful, what didn’t work, etc. so and forwarding that information.

I found this article: Having an Everyday Conversation. In it the article, the author notes how she can kill any conversation by bringing up her dead daughter. Just reading that breaks my heart for her and for all the other parents who have lost children. But then the author goes on to describe how invalidated and hurt she often feels in this situation, and now I’m angry and energized enough to write about this.

One of the biggest gifts you can give to grieving parent is to give them space and support to grieve. Grieving parents grieve forever. It may not always be the foremost item on their mind. The pain may not always feel like a punch to the abdomen, but it never goes away. They will always need that space and support.

How do you give them space and support? Listening to them talk about their children.

What do you do when there is that awkward silence? Say, “Tell me about your child.” and listen for a bit.

Category: General Tags: , ,

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