Neefer Sews, Crochets, Crafts, Swims, and Blathers about Kids

Acorns to Oaktrees

November 2nd, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Feeling kinda down

I really should do a thought record, but the idea exhausts me. Depression, what?

Anyway, I met this guy who paid a lot of attention to me at a party. I’d known him for a while, several parties, but he was all over me at that specific party. So, there was this Halloween party, and I was anxious that I would freak out if I saw him again, and he ignored me. I really liked the attention. It made me all hot for my husband.

The Halloween party comes, I dress up, and he tells me how hot I look. He didn’t ignore me, and it seems like we are back to our regular relationship. This is a good thing.

The party goes on. I dance, have a drink or 2, dance, and so on. Sometimes I’m dancing with my husband, sometimes random people from the party. I’m having fun, so I smile at people. This guy in a harlequin costume comes over to dance with me. He gets pretty close to me; I’m not really comfortable with it, but I will not be intimidated. I want to dance and have fun. So I dance, mostly ignore him, and try to get my husband to dance closer to me.

Harlequin guy comes back. This time he dances closer to me. I’d had more to drink, so I didn’t mind. I let him get close enough to hold me (no epimethean comments). So I leave the dance floor after that dance and sit down by a friend. We talk a bit. Harlequin guy comes back and asks me to slow dance. I say no. My friend abandons me (BASTARD!), and I give in to the unending begging to dance with a “Fine, whatever”. He was undeterred. So we are dancing in a more polite manner, and I ask him his name. He’s Mike; I tell him mine. Then I manage to mention that I’m wondering where my husband and daughter were. (Pulguito was off running around with a bunch of boys, so I was pretty sure where he was.) Mike says, “You have a husband? I can’t do this.” Harlequin guy/Mike leaves me alone.

Whew.

Where the fuck is my husband!

It’s time for the costume contest. My husband wins for scariest costume, but he is not there to accept, so I accept for him. I don’t win any of the contests (sniff), and I don’t win any of the raffle prizes either. Harlequin guy won a raffle prize. I sit down and examine DH’s winnings. Harlequin guy comes over, sits by me, and shows me his prize. Then he grabs me and kisses me.

Where the fuck is my husband!

Hey, and all my friends seem to have abandoned me.

Oh, wait, there’s Tom, so I jump up and run over to Tom. Tom is dressed as a woman, and his dress is falling down exposing his chest. I try to help him fix that.

Finally, my husband comes back. It’s late, and we all leave.

We join the after party at Tom’s after taking showers. Our friends were teasing us that we will shower together. No, DH makes that very clear.

At the after party, we give Tom a hard time about drinking too much. I tell everyone that I felt abandoned when they all left me alone with harlequin guy, and he kissed me, and I’m really grateful that Tom was there for me to retreat to. We finally leave the party and go back to our boat.

Does my husband compliment at all during the evening, even when everyone else is saying “How goddamn sexy I look”? No. He says nothing. Does he touch me? My hand, my snakes/wig, my shoulder, my arm, anything? No.

Does this open the door for ED? Oh, yeah. So ever since then I have been battling ED who is saying what a loser I am, how ugly I am, that I’m physically repulsive, etc. etc. etc.

SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

I’m feeling down. Am I ever going to be free of ED?

Am I going to have to leave my husband to be free of ED?

I’m pretty sure that ED whispered to me “That one, him. He’ll let you keep me.” when I met DH.

Maybe I should call him BH for a while.

It makes me very sad.

Category: Eating Disorder Tags: ,

« || »

Comments are closed.

  • Historical Adventures of Neefer

    December 2017
    S M T W T F S
    « Apr    
     12
    3456789
    10111213141516
    17181920212223
    24252627282930
    31  
  • Archives

  • My latest uploads to Flickr

    [slickr-flickr]
  • Follow me

  • Connect with me