Well, after all, I have decided it was a good thing to have the viewing. I feel like I said good-bye to Diego. It was really hard to see him in the coffin. I was especially hard to hear Jack and Eina crying when they went in for time alone with him before the rest of us.
I decided to take in a stuffed animal, a lion. Diego really like tigers, but I didn’t have a tiger. OTOH, Jack gave me the lion, probably more than 20 years ago, so the lion was special to me. I tucked the lion in the coffin with Diego to keep Diego company. I was able to stroke his hair and talk to him. He looked beautiful, like he was sleeping peacefully. I wish I could wake him up.
Some more things that I could have lived without:
- Having to drag Eina’s mom away from Diego when Jack and Eina wanted everyone to leave.
- Holding my mother while she moaned, “He’s not there; Diego’s not there. He cold. He’s not there.”
Good-bye Diego. I will hold you in my heart forever. I was so lucky to have known you. I love you.
I’m glad that you were able to find a sense of peace in this awful time. I think it’s lovely that you gave Diego a stuffed lion. That was very special.
So very very sorry about this tragedy in your family. This is so sad. Be gentle with yourselves, take all the time you want to mourn, there is no written rule. That word ‘closure’ is a coined term and a cold term. It was 5yrs before I could talk about my sister without crying.
Take all the time you want. It is going to get worst before it gets better.
I am feeling your sorrow.