Today was Food Log Day. So I brought up a problematic day. On a recent Saturday, I went out on the boat with DH, Chunguita, & Pulguito. For breakfast, we went out to the Railroad Cafe where I had 2 eggs, canadian bacon, pancakes, coffee & water. We went to see the mothball fleet and got back to Pleasanton around 1:30. We had lunch at McDonalds. I could have had the oriental chicken salad sans dressing, but, no, I had the grilled ranch chicken burger w/fries, and a soda. Then around 4, I took the kids to Starbucks where I had some sort of baked good. I don’t even remember what it was, but I do remember thinking something along the line of “I’ve already blown the day …” I did not feel out of control.

I called the day irresponsible and indulgent. But the therapists were sure something deeper was behind the eating.

I don’t call the boat “The Damn Boat” for no reason. I really didn’t want to go out on the boat that day. Yes, I wanted to go see the mothball fleet, just not in October. We went camping in October, we hosted a Halloween party, we had Halloween (which is a big deal at our house), my father got very sick. I think I wanted to stay home and rest that weekend.

My therapist asked if I would have felt comfortable saying no to that outing, and the answer is no. The only time that DH wants to spend with me HAS to include the kids. I don’t know if it that he doesn’t want to spend time with me or if marriage means 100% family and 0% couple to him or what, but when I’ve suggested that we could use some couple time, he has said no. When I said that I started to cry.

So therapist suggested that my not wanting to say no to boat/family activities that he plans is co-dependent, strongly driven by my self-imposed need to please him.

So here goes, thought record:

Trigger: Need to please DH/inability to say no

Thoughts:
This is the only time I get to spend with him.
If I want to stay married, this is the only choice I get.
I don’t want to give up on my marriage.
he doesn’t seem to care if he hurts me.
I do want to spend time with him and the kids.
He doesn’t like me.
I’m a lousy wife.
I’m selfish to not want to go out with him.
I hate the boat.
He spends too much money.
I will do pretty much anything he wants to get time with him.
I am a doormat.
I am weak.
I can’t stick to my foodplan around him.
I was exhausted.
I did enough without the mothball fleet trip.
Why doesn’t he see me?
Why is it never enough for him?
Why can’t he accept me the way I am?
Why doesn’t he want to spend time with me?
I can’t tell him the truth; he’ll just get angry.
He doesn’t listen.
He only wants to do things with me that he wants to do.
I’m tired.
I’m fat.
He thinks my activities are stupid/trivial.
My activities that he participates in are family obligations.
Sometimes, I don’t want to go to family obligations.
Go along to get along.

Urges/Feelings:
Sadness
Anger
anxiety
Eat Whatever
Give-in

Interpersonal: DH