Neefer Sews, Crochets, Crafts, Swims, and Blathers about Kids

Acorns to Oaktrees

June 16th, 2008 at 7:34 pm

It sucks having an eating disorder.

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So today, I didn’t go to a retirement celebration at work. The guy was a work friend. I’d gone out to lunch, and I ate enough to feel full. people with eating disorders intensely dislike feeling full. It’s uncomfortable and strange. It’s feels shameful. Anyway, I was hoping that I wouldn’t feel so full by the time his part started, but I didn’t. I “just knew” that I would have a piece of cake, and there would be a ton of other food there. I couldn’t face it.

The thing is that someone who is recovering from an eating disorder must keep their environment safe. That’s really hard to do at work. I’m not in control of the food that people bring in. It’s like putting alcohol in front of a recovering alcoholic.

Anyway, I decided not to go. Sure I feel a little guilty about not going, and I admit that it was the eating disorder that kept me from going. However, I’m sure I’d be in much worse shape if I had gone and had cake. And the way I’m feeling tonight, even without going, … well, I really want to purge. I want to purge. I have to keep busy so that I don’t start with the thoughts. I’m not going to give in.

Still, it sucks to have to have this battle so often.

Category: Eating Disorder Tags: , ,

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    It will get easier! It just takes a looooong time!
    There are times by now, that I don’t feel overweight ( 14yrs after therapy!)
    but just very rarely although I don’t hate food anymore!

    tini on June 16th, 2008
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