Neefer Sews, Crochets, Crafts, Swims, and Blathers about Kids

Acorns to Oaktrees

May 23rd, 2008 at 12:00 am

Sigh

Last Tuesday I took the morning off so that DH could be at a meeting at 8 am. Tuesday is his day to drop off the kids. He knows, because I have repeatedly told him, that if I drop off the kids on Tuesday, I can’t get to work until noon. I have my CBT ED group every Tuesday morning at 10 am. Instead of taking a half day of vacation, I stayed at work until 8 pm.

Aside: When I have an 8 am meeting on days I drop off the kids, I contact the meeting owner and ask what they are going to be covering in that first hour. Usually, it’s stuff that I can miss, so I still drop off the kids. DH is unwilling to do this.

On Wednesday, I have another group at 4 pm, so I don’t get home until after 6. This group is not required like the Tuesday morning group, but it’s good for me to go to it. Last Wednesday, the kids had 4H Mini Members which is a meeting that I take the kids to. The kids LOVELOVELOVE Mini Members. DH gets to stay home alone for that hour. He can do whatever he wants. Usually, I eat dinner when I get home on Wednesday and clean up the kitchen after I eat. Last Wednesday, DH had to clean up the kitchen. Well, he could have waited until I got home; I would have done it then.

He’s cleaning up the kitchen when I walk in.

DH: Next time you are going to be out for 2 nights in a row, you should clean up the kitchen in the morning before you go.
Me: Okay, but I don’t think that Tuesday night should count as my being out 2 nights in a row.
DH: FINE! Forget it.

Well, I’m going to take him at his word.

I used to get all upset over stuff like this. Like I was somehow at fault. And, sure, instead of say sleeping or showering or eating or feeding the kids or dressing the kids or dressing myself or putting shows on the kids or finding the shoes to put on the kids or checking homework or making my lunch or making the kids’ lunches, I could have cleaned up the kitchen on Tuesday or Wednesday. But I think I had enough to do. I forgot about taking my drugs, flossing, brushing my teeth, flossing the kids’ teeth, and brushing the kids’ teeth. Oh, and feeding Lily, paying some attention to Lily, and making sure Lily’s food wasn’t left out for the birds to eat, and putting Lily out so she doesn’t destroy the house while we’re gone. Checking on Bunny. Turning off all the light.

I used to think it was my job to insulate DH from all emotional upset. That is, no matter the cause, whether I was involved or not, somehow, it was my responsibility that he’s upset. And then I would binge, restrict, purge, drink excessive water, self-mutilate, exercise excessively, or pick your self-destructive eating disorder behavior. This is an example of disordered thinking that is part of an eating disorder.

NO MORE!

Did I leave a light on this morning?

Category: Eating Disorder Tags:

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