That’s my son’s latest term of endearment for me. I’m so lucky.

But this post is really going to be about my eating disorder.

As I drove home from group today, I recalled my son’s nickname for me and thought it was particularly appropriate for me at this stage. I wrote about my current obsession with fiber earlier, and I’m still spinning between that and restricting. I brought up the fiber issue in group. I was pretty sure that my urge to get Citrocel was an eating disorder urge. It was too much like taking laxatives. And I was right. According to my therapists, the laxative habit is one of the most difficult eating disorder behaviors to quit. It’s also one of the deadliest. A “hardcore” laxative will strip your body of fluids and dramatically alter your electrolite balance; that can lead to heart failure in extended use. Or diapers. There’s another charming thought.

And I got confirmation that my obsession with 100 grams of fiber/day is pathological. So that Forum episode was a BIG trigger for me. It would seem that 30 grams/day is a more healthy goal. I still want to try for that 100 grams, but I’m resisting the urge.

My husband tossed out my Citrocel some time ago. At first, when I went to look for it, I was mad at him for doing that. But I’m not now. I’m grateful. He didn’t do it to try to control my eating disorder. He didn’t know about it then. He just wanted to get rid of it because I wasn’t using it. He likes to get rid of things. I like to hoard. Anyway, I might have started using if he hadn’t thrown it out. I was able to stop and not go buy it, but if it had been in the house, … I don’t know.

So I’m not really Poo-poo Mama, but it was close.

PS Hardcore laxative was the term used by one of the therapists. I don’t know the difference between a softcore and hardcore laxative.

PPS My therapists very strongly urged us to NEVER take a perscription or OTC laxative without first talking to them about it. It’s too easy to get addicted.