WAH!!!!

I fell on my knee Monday evening, and I’ve been in a brace, unwilling to bend for fear of extreme pain, since then. I had Osgood-Schlatter disease, so now I have a calcification at the top of my tibia. Of course, I landed right on that spot. No permanent damage, and everything will be fine when the swelling goes down. No bending -> no sewing.

I’m feeling very overwhelmed. The bitch doctor (an opinion shared by co-workers) took away my time off w/pay to go to therapy. I wasn’t supposed to have it in the first place, but she’s the one who screwed up. I did everything right.

One of my therapists is moving back to Austrailia to take care of her parents. Her parents are the same age as mine, so I totally understand the whys and hows, and I know that she can’t take care of me if she’s not taking care of herself. Still, I’m upset and feeling abandoned and lost (even tho I have like 5 other therapists that I see).

Did I mention that all this stuff is making the depression harder to handle? I want to drink lots and lots of water and make myself throw up. There I admitted that; hopefully, I won’t do it now.

Gosh, I just feel the anxiety churning in me. Ugh! Last night I had this nightmare, and I woke up during it and said to myself, “This has to stop” meaning the dream. It was about my daughter, so I got up and checked on her. She was snoring away. I went back to sleep and fell back into the dream. It got so bad that I shouted out, “NO!” and woke Chunguita up. Gah!