Neefer Sews, Crochets, Crafts, Swims, and Blathers about Kids

Acorns to Oaktrees

February 14th, 2006 at 12:18 am

self portrait tuesday:

IMG_2213 copy
All of Me

The February Challenge for Self Portrait Tuesday is “all of me”: embrace your mistakes, love the ugly bits.

I’ve been wanting to participate in SPT for a while, but the eating disorder gets in the way. Some days, I think I look okay, but most of the time, I’m not happy (vast understatement) with how I look. I could go into a long litany on what’s wrong with my body, my face, my hair, my clothing, my style, … But that just puts me into the eating disorder place. That list does a pretty good job. Time for a thought record, what?

For someone with an eating disorder, putting a picture up is tough enough, but putting one up of one’s body in her underware is impossible for most. I made the commitment to my therapy group that I would do this, and even then, I couldn’t do it in just my underware and bra. I put on the boxershorts over my panties. I didn’t like the double chin effect that comes when I look down, so I pasted the head from another shot on top of this one.

Do I love my body. NO! Is my body a mistake? I can’t say no. Every bite of food that I put into my mouth, I question. I flagellate myself with every bit of food that doesn’t meet my rules (coming in a future post). Objectively, I know that is the mistake. Subjectively, I think my body shows the results of all of those many errors.

However, there is good news in this. I did post a very revealing image of myself on the ‘web for the world to see. I am dealing with my problem, and believe it or not, I am getting better.

Category: Eating Disorder, Memes

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